Thursday, August 7, 2008

I Walk In The Shadows

I walk in the shadows of what was and live in the fog of what is. A place where time doesn't exist, a place where the years are tallied by "when Jenny was alive and after Jenny died.
The emptiness I feel is real, I know if the doctors looked closely they would see the large gaping hole in my heart. The place where my daughter used to fill.
I grow less tired of my mask; it is now a part of who I am who I've become. Beneath it lies a face marked with grief and turned old too soon. This is who I am when I'm alone with myself.

When I'm with all of you the light shines in and a safe place opens for me to enter. Here I find friends, people I admire and I'm shy to say admire me.
Strong, not me, you haven't seen me in my grief, alone in the darkness of my sorrow. Or beating the walls for the life I had to come back again.
I am all of this, My name is Bernice and I know the path you walk.


  1. Oh I love this.and the pic is awesome..
    glad to find you Bernie..
    pink deena
    (ZnE )

  2. My heart goes out to you Bernie, I can't begin to imagine the pain you go through, but am glad to hear that people in blogland help you through some of it.

  3. Again, this is amazing. I love the photo and what you wrote. I was in a horrible accident in 1996 and almost died. I have been different ever since. I had a near death experience. All I can say is that the place I went was above all the suffering and full of light. I met several wise people up there who welcomed me and I felt this incredible love and safety. They told me that there is no suffering that can match the greatness of this love. I wanted to stay with them but they told me to go back and to be kind to myself, that they were not judging me-that judgement was a human thing and that life was for love-that people know deep inside what is right and what is wrong. That we should just be kind to each other and that everyone knows this-it is really simple. They said that when you need a break take it and that I should remember all of this and pass it on. I am passing it on to you. I know it was all real as it was not what I imagined after death-I thought there would be a big man with a white beard and judgement and all that stuff you hear about-it wasn't like that at all-I looked down and saw that the everyday struggles are meaningless-it is the part of life that we don't understand but that there is something much more greater above and so much love and comfort. I hope this helps you in a small way.
    take care,